Metaphysically, There is something making you feel scattered, irritated, or even stuck in the same old rut; and it is back... again.
You feel cursed, as if the same bothersome pattern keeps repeating and it is weighing you down; impeding your progress. You need to remove the accumulation of excess energies by using Black. This action of sending to ground the excess accumulation of energies will help free you and you will feel more like yourself again. You need to stop believing it is all your fault, get grounded in reality, remove distractions and then you will be able to continue.